One thing is for certain if you’re a woman in the modern world: the world is asking a lot from you. Every day you show up as a different kind of helper. Sometimes you’re an innovator, sometimes you’re a caretaker, sometimes you’re a community organizer. In all of those iterations, you are so often in a service capacity to help others reach their goals and dreams. And you know that as a modern woman in the modern world, you also have hopes and dreams. Those are worthy of focus and care, too.
But also, so often in this modern world it is still difficult for typical helpers to ask for help when they need it. How many times have you found yourself burned out because of the mental and emotional load you’re carrying? And how many times have you actually articulated or asked for the help you need to carry it? If you’re like many women, not all that often. So in today’s journal, we’re exploring the different ways to recognize you need some help, and how to accept the help that comes when you need it. Because you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Photo by Ashley Streff
How to Recognize When You Need Help
Sometimes the first thing that has to happen before you can even ask for help is to recognize you need it. For many women, it’s almost anathema to admit we can’t do something on our own. The world expects us to help the world around us, and there’s also something inside of us that wants to help those around us. Those combined expectations can make it incredibly hard to recognize when we’ve reached our limit. But our body is always giving us signs that we’ve hit our capacity even if our minds can’t intellectualize it yet. It’s important to hear and see the signs clearly before they turn into something even more frustrating than they have to be.
Feeling Exhausted and Burn Out
Burn out can rear its ugly head in all sorts of ways. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of intense irritability, sometimes it’s the inability to stay awake, sometimes it’s a lack of your usual sense of humor. Burn out and exhaustion are not the most comfortable feelings, but they’re also completely normal.
Feeling Grumpy
That grumpy feeling that sours even the happiest moments is another sure sign you’re being pushed to your limit. If nothing can make you smile, and everything feels like it’s being seen through a negative lens, you are most likely at capacity.
Feeling Resentful
And one of the most recognizable feelings of needing help: feeling resentment. When you feel resentment, it’s typically your body and mind telling you that you need to ask for something you truly need. If you resent other people getting what they want or need, it most likely is about you not getting what you want or need. In that way, it’s pretty easy to clock your capacity. If it’s hard to stomach others being taken care of, then it’s time for you to take care of yourself.
Photo by Ashley Streff
How to Accept Help When You Need It
One of the reasons women need to accept help is because it helps them keep on giving back to their family and their communities. It’s the idea of putting on your own oxygen mask first. If you’re unable to give yourself what you need, soon you won’t be able to show up for others. And we know at KIM+ONO, a woman-owned and operated company, that women want to be leaders in their homes and communities. We want to give back, it feels good to us. So it’s just as essential to take good care of ourselves. This is part of the reason we created long silky robes as self care you could wear. We know that you won’t always go out of your way to take care of yourself, but if perhaps kimono robe silk can be an essential and easy part of your everyday, you may find the care you need.
Photo by @mariacalderon.art
Learn How to Say Thank You
Sometimes the hardest two words to say are “thank you”, not because you’re ungrateful, but because you’re unfamiliar with receiving something that’s just for you. The next time someone gifts you something like a kimono duster jacket you’ve been eyeing or even just your favorite candle from your favorite brand, say thank you and allow yourself to fully appreciate the gift. It’s important to receive and know you’re capable of receiving a gift that’s just for you. Some of our customers even purchase a long silky robe for themselves and include a gift message to themselves as a reminder that they are allowed to receive a gift from time to time.
Photo by Ashley Streff
Learn How to Ask Without Qualifying
Once you start to ask for what you need, you may still feel uncomfortable and you may start including disclaimers like “but you don’t need to” or “only if that’s okay with you” or “just this one time”. Resist this as much as you can! Simply asking for what you need is a kindness you can do for yourself and for others. Clear is kind. If you ask your partner for a long silky robe, you don’t have to have a reason to want it! You can simply ask and let them respond.
Learn How to Offer Help with a Smile
Sometimes we are so used to helping out of obligation that we forget we can help out of joy as well. It helps if we fill our own cup first, as mentioned above. Slip into your favorite kimono duster jacket to elevate your everyday look and treat yourself like the queen you are. Or wear your most expensive and good-feeling makeup or skincare. Or perhaps treat yourself to a matcha that’s just as beautifully floral as your botanical kimono outfit. Whatever you do to feel good, it helps you offer your help with a smile. When you offer with a smile, out of joy, you are giving yourself a gift too. You are dissolving resentment, creating a deeper connection with the person you’re helping, and reminding yourself of your own power.
Asking for help can be a genuinely big lift sometimes, but a worthwhile one. Whether you’re accepting another kimono robe silk piece into your collection from a friend, or wearing a long silky robe to feel empowered while you offer help to others, accepting that you deserve a little help and comfort too can do a world of good for both you and the world around you.
