We know that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and it’s a beautiful time to celebrate the romantic love you share. We also know the fun of the alternative Galentine’s Day, where you get to celebrate platonic love. But perhaps the most important love that you can feel, love that will truly change your life, is self love. Developing a loving relationship with yourself isn’t just about taking a bubble bath and slipping into your silky floral robe (although that’s always a good start!). It’s about the deeper connection to your own voice, desires, and vision for your life. It’s about self trust. And it’s about loving yourself, even through your mistakes and missteps.
There are plenty of reasons why it’s important to build a relationship with yourself. When you love yourself well, you become more resilient. You’re able to withstand the uncertainty and change that life will throw your way. No matter who you are, resiliency is a secret power to help you navigate these changes. Developing a loving relationship with yourself also allows you to heal. You know everything you’ve been through, you know the advice you want to hear, you know the tenderness or toughness you need – who better to give it to you than yourself? Of course it’s so important to have relationships, but don’t count yourself out of those relationships! When you can fulfill many of your own needs, you can find deeper connections with others because you won’t be looking for them to fulfill those needs. Instead, you’ll just be meeting them where they are. And that is a gift to both them and to yourself. So today in the journal, we’re digging into a big topic: how to develop a loving relationship with yourself. Slip into your best silk robe, grab your journal, light a candle, and let’s dive in.
The one thing you have going for you that no one else has is your inner voice. Each of us has a unique inner voice who is speaking to us all the time. It’s our intuition telling us to call a friend. Or it’s our gut instinct telling us we should start that business, even though we consciously don’t know how it will all unfold. Or it’s a clear voice speaking to us in life’s bigger moments, giving us instructions that seem to come from beyond ourselves. Our inner voice always has our back, but only if we listen to it. And because this isn't’ something that’s often taught, we’ll need to practice listening to our inner voice. Our best suggestion? Slip into your silky floral robe, and feel the beautiful silk against your skin. Look in front of you, name a few things that you see. Then, gently close your eyes. Take a deep exhale. And allow yourself some space. In that space, your inner voice may arise. Your inner voice is calm, it’s never flustered. Your inner voice has your best interests at heart, it’s never mean. You can easily distinguish it from your anxiety because it believes in you, even when you don’t have the answers. Remember, paying attention to a simple sensation like the way your black floral kimono robe feels against your skin is a quick way to reconnect with your inner voice when you’re feeling disconnected.
When you are in the middle of a difficult task or you’ve made a mistake, this is a great time to develop a loving relationship with yourself. Sometimes in life, we do mess up. Sometimes, we do fail. In those moments, how you speak to yourself will make a huge impact. So choose to say the words to yourself that you would share with your best friend. Speak to yourself like a friend. Wrap your metaphorical arms around yourself and say, it’s okay you can try again! If you really need a pick-me-up, write a letter to yourself speaking kindly to yourself and ask your friend to mail it to you in the future. Or pick out your favorite black floral kimono robe and send yourself a gift message on the packing slip. Find as many ways as you can to speak kindly to yourself, and you’ll find your loving relationship with yourself growing.
There is nothing more loving you can do for yourself than stating what you need. When we exit the mode of self-denial, and enter the mode of self-advocacy, a few things happen. First, you start to understand what you really need and when you really need it. Asserting a boundary — even if it’s just with your partner who knows whenever you’re wearing silky floral robe that you’ll need some alone time — helps you recognize what you are needing at that moment. The second thing that happens is that you start to establish self-trust. You’ll begin to trust yourself. You’ll begin to recognize that if you need a boundary, you will take care of it and give yourself the space you need. If you have never set a boundary before, start small. If your partner asks to go to dinner at one restaurant you really don’t prefer, mention you’d like to go somewhere else. This can feel like a huge leap if you’re not used to setting boundaries, but it’s worth it! Your partner will be thrilled you’re speaking up for what you want, and you’ll feel wonderful for having advocated for yourself. If a friend is asking too much of you, set a boundary. If your work role is burgeoning into unpaid errands for your boss, set a boundary. Boundaries are clear and they are loving. And they are a great way to show yourself that you will take care of yourself.
These are just three ways to develop a more loving relationship with yourself, but there are plenty more! Our suggestion is to slip into your favorite floral kimono robe and meditate on more ways you could take care of yourself. You inner voice will bubble up. You’ll have a chance to speak kindly to yourself. You may find out that you need to set a boundary. But if it seems like too much all at once, remember that even the smallest things like wearing your best silk robe can be an act of self care and self love. Lighting a candle, wearing a silky floral robe, or taking a nap are all ways to take good care of yourself, just like you would a child or a friend. Remember: you are just as important, and you deserve to feel the love.
